Anyone who’s known me for more than 5 minutes can probably guess that I am extremely ill equipped to lead anything resembling a responsible adult lifestyle, and that was proved just today l when I managed to lock myself into an apartment. It turns out you can actually double lock the door from the outside, so that when you go in and the door closes, it closes forever… I sat for almost 20 hours watching arrested development, blissfully oblivious of the fact that I was now trapped in an apartment with a Dorito problem (the problem being the lack of Doritos). After 10 minutes of futile attempts to open the door, it was time to try the windows. Now, the windows open directly onto a main road, so even though they didn’t open more than a crack and completely foiled my escape attempt, their uselessness did spare me the embarrassment of crawling out onto a busy street. With no SIM card in my phone I couldn’t call for help, so I settled for an email instead. After about 20 minutes I was rescued by a receptionist and got a clear explanation of how the locks work… if I manage to fuck it up again I think I’ll just accept my fate and save myself the embarrassment of having to send another email like this one: This story definitely makes me sound like an idiot, and while I’m not exactly going to deny that possibility, I’m still going to go ahead and blame this one on a really flawed lock system rather than my inability to understand it.
February 16, 2017